I was today years old

Have you heard people say that? “I was today years old when I learned…” I thought of that today when I saw the first line of this poem by e.e. cummings.

Then that last part, “made of nothing / except loneliness”. Not Jesus, right? Jesus isn’t loneliness. Does he mean himself? Or does he mean Jesus? Or maybe he means the space between himself and Jesus - as close, closer than nothing made of loneliness.

no time ago 
or else a life 
walking in the dark 
i met christ

jesus)my heart 
flopped over 
and lay still 
while he passed(as 

close as i'm to you 
yes closer 
made of nothing 
except loneliness

+ e e cummings