Ordinary Hazards: A Memoir by Nikki Grimes
What a good book! I heard of this book, Ordinary Hazards: A Memoir, and the author, Nikki Grimes, in an interview at the Faith & Writing Festival from Calvin University. I would link to it but it will only be available for a week or so after the festival (which was online). Nikki was interviewed by Gary Schmidt. As I listened to that interview and others, I kept switching over to Amazon and putting things on my wish list, or like with this one, immediately ordering them.
As you can tell from the title, this is an autobiographical memoir. It is written in verse. At first, I was a little worried about reading a whole book of poems to glean the story within, but it’s free-form verse that is very easy to read. It’s written in a way that tells the story of her life chronologically. She wrote in the Author’s Note at the end about one way she did this:
[L]argely due to trauma, I have lost chunks of my childhood memories. There are whole periods of time marked by gaps in memory, and in order to tell my story, I had to figure out a way to bridge them. The notebook entries sprinkled throughout were my way of doing so. (p. 317)
Ms. Grimes’ mother plays a large role in her memoirs but their relationship was a difficult one. Her mother was (is? I’m not sure if her mother is still living) schizophrenic and an alcoholic. She went in and out of insane phases and hospitalization throughout Grimes’ life. Grimes was in foster care for many years of her childhood. Here is a poignant verse that reflects that.
In the Background
You’ll notice
if you haven’t already,
I no longer talk
about my mother,
and anger
is not the reason.
I’ve little time for that.
Instead, I’ve entered
into the realm
of simple mistrust.
I’ve learned that Mom
is not to be counted on
for more than room and board.
Emotional suppor
is hardly on the table,
and any steadiness I might need,
I have to look for elsewhere.
Schizophrenics and alcoholics
are not known for their
reliability.
I’ve been tested, though,
and already know
on my own,
that I’m a survivor.
I can live on the hugs
of my father,
the smiles of my friends,
the boundless faith
of my sister,
and the dreams
God whispers
to my soul,
If Mom needs me, though,
I’m here. (page 228)
Grimes has a strong faith in God even with all the sadness and trauma in her life. When she told a friend about one traumatic event in her childhood, the friend asked, “How can you still believe in God?” Grimes wrote:
What kind of question is that? How could I not? If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be here. I’d either be in prison, or the grave. (page 272)
Although her father was also unreliable, he showed up for Grimes and made sure she met many of the black luminaries he knew from his work as a musician. Grimes was also a voracious reader and her father brought her to libraries and bookstores with books by black authors, as well as concerts, shows, and dances by black performers. Grimes knew from a very young age that she wanted to be a writer and she has written many books. Many are children’s books and poetry, as you can see on her website. I hope to read some of them.
I loved this short verse about her anger (The person named Clark who is referenced in the verse was a boyfriend of her mother’s who raped Grimes when she was a teenager).
Notebook
Little by little
I hear God telling me
to let the anger go.
Clark is gone.
Mom is who she is.
I can’t change her
or Grandma.
All my anger does
is get in the way
of my dreams. (page 273)
Lest you think the book sounds rather grim, here is a poem that made me laugh out loud.
Math Madness
Algebra should be
ranked under
fatal diseases.
One more equation,
and I’ll die. (page. 253)
I finished this book quickly; it doesn’t take long. I think I’ll remember and think about what it said for a long, long time.
Nikki Grimes, Ordinary Hazards: A Memoir (New York: WordSong. 2019).