Nepsis, or what am I thinking?

Years—decades—ago, when I was our church’s first church secretary, our pastor sometimes mentioned what he was planning to preach on the following Sunday. Once, he said he was planning to write a sermon about this verse:

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he my devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world (1 Peter 5:8-9).

I can’t remember what else he said, but I had the impression he would talk about how we need to watch out for being ambushed by dangerous attacks from Satan. I expressed my discomfort with such a fearful concept by commenting on needing reassurance rather than feeling anxious or afraid. I was glad he changed his mind.

I remembered this little interaction when I read this article about “nepsis,” an ancient Greek word I had never heard of. At a recent retreat, an Ignatian priest who was the speaker that weekend talked a little about “nepsis,” and I was intrigued. I googled and read about it. It reminded me of my “spare thought theory,” which I’ve written about before. In a sense, that theory requires the practice of “nepsis.”

I liked this explanation of the word (emphasis mine), which also includes the verse above from Peter:

For the ancient fathers, a basic prerequisite for genuine growth in the spiritual life involves a constant attitude of nepsis or watchfulness. The word nepsis (νήψις) in antiquity literally meant to drink no wine, but by extension it also included the metaphorical sense of being sober-minded, sane, alert, and finally vigilant. If one desires to not be under the influence of the passions, if one wishes to not be drunk with anger, with envy, or with desire, one must spiritually speaking drink no wine. The ascetic fathers are also referred to as the neptic fathers. This watchfulness is paramount because as Saint Peter warns in his epistle, “Be sober (νήψατε), be vigilant (γρηγορήσατε meaning stay awake); because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” If you are drunk or asleep, you are obviously defenseless in the face of an attack. ~”The Therapeutic Strategy of Nepsis,” Fr. Alexis.

A basic definition might be super-watchfulness over your own thoughts. However, it extends to watchfulness over not only the thoughts in your mind but the passions and desires in your heart and soul—“bad thoughts” that pull you away from your relationship with Christ.

In my spare thought theory, I propose a substitution for those “bad thoughts,” which I call a “spare thought.” I find it more practical to think about something else rather than try to stop thinking about the thoughts that cause me to spiral into worry and anxiety. From what I’ve read, the Neptic Saints and Orthodox Christians who have written about nepsis focus on turning your thoughts to Christ with “ascetic practice and contemplation.” Possibly, you could count that as a substitution, too.

At any rate, nepsis requires noticing and “keeping guard” over your thoughts, stepping back, looking at what’s happening inside you, and noticing or asking yourself what is happening, why, and how it is affecting you—how it is (or is not) affecting your relationship to God.

For me, guarding my thoughts means stepping back and pretending I’m looking at what’s happening as if it were happening to someone else, someone else I love and care for. Anne Lamott talks about being your own best friend. I step back and ask myself, “What would my best friend Mavis say about this?” Once, I heard the poet Marie Howe saying she asks herself, “What else is true?” She described remembering childhood abuse and using this question. In that case, she wasn’t changing her perspective or trying to redeem what happened. The abuse was horrific, and that is true, AND what else is true? She talked about her brother, who loved her very much and tried to protect her, and other things that were true. You can recognize that something bad is true and, in addition, focus on other things that are also true. Often, it helps to remind yourself that your awful memory or thought is not the only true thing.

Unsurprisingly, I think of nepsis and my spare thought theory when I read this verse:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ~Philippines 4:8

Brené Brown says she asks herself, “What is the story I am telling myself?” She narrates the story to herself, then analyzes that story, looking at what she is basing the story on, seeing if that story is a reality or something she has made up herself in some way. I find all these types of questions helpful to try as I am “standing guard” over my thoughts:

• What else is true?

• What would my best friend Mavis say about this?

• What is the story I am telling myself?

• What could I think about instead?

How about you? Have you thought about your thoughts in this way? Do you “stand guard” over your thoughts? Do you notice what you are thinking and ask questions about your thoughts? Can you distance yourself enough from your thoughts to approach them with curiosity? What do you find helpful?

I have been amazed at how I feel like my whole life has changed by trying to notice what I am thinking and asking myself these kinds of questions. In addition, I have been learning and trying to practice different ways of praying and living contemplatively.

The other day, I told my grandchildren a little about their great-grandmother, my grandma, who I loved dearly. She was a wonderful grandma to my cousins and me, a beautiful mother to her children, and a true woman of faith. She was also a “worrier.” She sometimes sat for hours in her living room praying and worrying about her children and grandchildren. Sometimes, one of her family members would find her sitting in the dark, lost in her anxious thoughts. She had eight children and over 30 grandchildren, so there certainly was a large scope for her fears and plenty of sad, heart-breaking events in their lives, as there are in all our lives.

I told my family I thought I could easily have fallen into that same kind of anxious rumination (and don’t get me wrong, I don’t claim to have perfected the art of never worrying, of true, reasonable “ordered attachments”). I know, too, that intrusive thoughts are often hard or impossible to control. Many times, we need treatments such as medication and therapy. Still, the practice of nepsis, asking myself these questions, and practicing contemplative prayer and living have made an enormous difference. I hope and pray God will continue to encourage growth and strength in my relationship with him through these and other practices. I pray that for you, too!