Family Family by Laurie Frankel

cover from Google Books - preview 47 pages

I enjoyed this book very much! It was a good story, fun characters to get to know, and great writing with lots of funny lines. I had never heard of Laurie Frankel before. I can’t remember how it got on my to-be-read list, but I’m glad it did.

The main character is India Allwood. The chapters go back and forth between her growing up and her “present time” as an adult. I didn’t notice if the chapters strictly switched back and forth, one at a time each. Somehow, it was not distracting in any way, which switching times can sometimes be for me. Also, the main character would sometimes change to one of the children or other adults in the story. It was always a kind of “omniscient narrator,” but sometimes it was all about what one of the other characters was doing and thinking rather than only always India. It sounds complicated as I write it, but it was seamless and smooth.

In the story, India becomes pregnant as a 16-year-old, then again later as a young woman in her 20s. In both cases, she places her child into adoption. The author is very careful to say that India believes abortion is a right, and she considers it. Her motivation for placing the baby into adoption is that she will make someone else’s dreams come true in the same way her dreams are coming true. India wants to become an actor from an early age, and that dream comes true. She becomes a “classic” actor on the stage and then a famous one on TV. Later, India becomes a mother herself. Eventually, the reader gets to know India’s lovers, her children, her mother, her agent, her friend, and the adopted children’s adoptive parents (Although she elects for “closed adoption,” she learns of her birth children’s lives through other circumstances).

With her experience of an adoption story herself, it is important to her that the stories she is portraying as an actor and that she sees portrayed in many contexts are not always “stories of pain and regret.” That desire to portray and present positive adoption stories becomes a central reason for the book's action.

You may (like me) wonder why the book is named Family Family. I can’t find the exact quote, but in one place, Fig, one of India’s daughters, says to one of India’s other children who she finds and contacts that they are family, and then has a caveat, “Well, not family family.” The whole concept of family is huge.

There are lots of funny lines. Sometimes, they made me laugh out loud. There was also a lot about parenting and being a family that I loved. Here are a few:

India and Camille, one of the adoptive parents, meet each other for the first time after coming in from the rain. “I hope you’re not cold,” Camille said. Absurdly. What a time fo forget how to talk like a person.

India and her boyfriend having their first kiss: “It started raining—this was romantic in the movies but just the way first kisses were in Seattle...”

India’s thoughts on being a mother (it’s long but worth it) “People liked to talk about life with small children as high drama involving lots of make-believe. ‘Let’s play house’ or ‘Let’s pretend the ground is lava,’ but also, ‘Shots don’t hurt’ and ‘You like broccoli’ and ‘I don’t even mind taking only one shower a week.’ But as far as India could tell, it was the opposite of acting. It involved saying, ‘Not perfect, but good enough.’ It involved saying, ‘Not good, but good enough.’ Sometimes it involved saying, ‘Well, that sucks shit, but whatever, good enough.’ Sometimes it involved saying, ‘That’s not good enough but I’m going to have a glass of wine and go to bed anyway.’
“There was no workshopping with parenting. You said the wrong thing, and you couldn’t go back and give it a different read, try again smiling instead of glowering, gently instead of shouting, with a deep breath before delivery. You had to live with your first read, even though it was often appalling…”

India talking to her mom with thoughts about parenting birth children vs. adopted: “It turns out love is not all you need. It turns out love is not what makes a family.”
“That didn’t turn out to be the case,” her mother corrected. “That was never the case…”
“Maybe your blood-related-to-you kids have problems you’re genetically set up to handle. Like if your kids inherited pyromania, your ancestors knew how to handle that so your genes are naturally selected to know what to do.”
“By definition, I don’t think pyromania is hereditary.”

India and her mother talking again. “This is what parenting is, India. Solving impossible-to-solve problems while also experiencing deep crises of faith while also being kind of annoyed while also never getting enough rest. These problems only ever go away by changing into different equally impossible problems. This is how it always is for all parents, no matter how you came by your children.”
“No, everyone says motherhood is natural and beautiful and magical and life-altering.”
“The life-altering part is true.”
“And effortless,” India added. “They say effortless love.”
“They mean you don’t have to work hard to love them.” Her mother was whispering now, too. “They don’t mean loving them isn’t extremely hard work.”

Right?!