Two conversations

#1

In truck, on the road, me in passenger seat, Randy driving.

Me: [pointing to the radio] I wish I had a remote control for the volume on the radio like you have in the steering wheel. You are so unaware! You don't turn it up when it's too soft, and when it's too loud and we're talking, you don't turn it down, you just yell.

Randy: I wouldn't know where I was if you weren't complaining about the volume of something.

Me: That's because I'm very sensitive to sound. Maybe it's a form of autism. I'm somewhere on the spectrum.

Randy: You're on some spectrum all right.

Me: [Jab.]

#2

In Escabon, Wisconsin, at a restaurant. Imagine broad mid-western vowels and accent.

Waitress to a customer waiting to be seated: We close in just a few minutes.

Other workers: No, it's only 7:00.

Waitress: Oh. I thought it was 8. [pause] I feel like a ditz.