The Girls From Ames by Jeffrey Zaslow

The Girls from Ames website

I read this book at the recommendation of my friend Barb. I could see immediately why she liked it. Barb had told me about her experience with high school friends, a large group in a small town high school, and I had also seen evidence of the great love of her closest friends as she went through some incredibly tough times in her life.

When I first started reading The Girls From Ames, I wasn't sure if I'd stick with it. It seemed a little shallow and not terribly interesting at the very beginning. But as I got in further, I became more and more interested in the friendship and the women themselves.

Here's a quote that made a lot of sense to me:

Bottom line: Women talk. Men do things together. Researchers explain it this way: Women's friendships are face to face, while men's friendships are side by side. In research labs, women have even proven themselves better than men at maintaining eye contact. Women's bonds are explicit. Men's feelings for each other might be strong but their feelings are more implicit.

 The girls loved each other and stuck with each other through thick and thin, but they were not always kind, especially when they were younger. There was one event they call "the intervention" when they were quite unkind to one of the girls, giving her a bunch of negative feedback about herself. Probably most of us can relate to this kind of thing. Sometimes the urge to talk everything through can bite back, if what is being said is not constructive, or said in love. For this girl, at the age of 16, the effect of this "intervention" actually turned out to be positive, partly due to good advice from her mother, and to her own maturity:

"After feeling beat up by my friends and going home and telling my mom, she said exactly what I needed to hear. She did not go to the other moms to try to fix everything. Instead, she reminded me that I was a smart, funny, kind person who had a lot to offer and I had plenty of other friends. 

"This was a great lesson in parenting for me. It is not our job as parents, to go to coaches, teachers and other parents and try to make everything run smoothly for our kids...They're trying to make everything just right for their kids. They want a perfect world for them. But I've come to see that our job is to help our kids become people who are capable and believe in themselves enough to deal with the world..." 

In the days after the intervention, Sally says she felt the need to take an honest look at who she was. That soul-searching process turned out to be a gift she gave to herself. "...I realized that although I sometimes made mistakes, I was pretty happy with the person I had become and didn't feel the need to change for anyone. It was wonderful and comfortable and a huge relief to come to that realization..."

This group of women friends gets together every year. They've supported each other through the death of one of their own, sickness and death of children, cancer for several of them. That friendship and love is an amazing thing in their lives.

It made me appreciate the friends and friendships in my life. Friendship is certain evidence of God's love in our lives. I enjoyed reading about the friendship of these women and reflecting on my own.